I’ve always been an ‘all in’ kind of person when it comes to work. Give me a project I believe in, and I’ll throw everything I have into it.
But somewhere along the way ‘all in’ became ‘all consumed.’ My self-worth was tied to productivity and achievement, and anything else felt like failure. There was nothing in between.
My Burnout Breaking Point
Burnout didn’t arrive with drama; it crept in like a dense fog until suddenly I couldn’t see clearly anymore.
It came to a head just before Easter weekend, 2023, hitting me like a tonne of bricks. I was spinning many plates, managing a merger, and supporting a team and beneficiaries through major change. It couldn’t have happened at a worse time.
My body had been sounding alarms for months. Sky-high blood pressure, weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, constant restlessness and total disconnection. Some of it may have been the beginning of perimenopause, or perhaps those changes were simply amplified by stress. Either way, my body was speaking clearly, and I wasn’t listening.
I kept pushing on as there was no other choice, and somehow got through the next couple of months on autopilot feeling as though I was watching a version of myself that I didn’t recognise, though thick, distorted glass.
Eventually, I stopped because I had no choice. I was empty – physically, emotionally, and creatively. And underneath the exhaustion was shame. How had I let it get this far?
What I Didn’t Understand Then
In the months that followed, my garden became my refuge. The perfect sanctuary that demanded nothing from me but presence. Deadheading roses, watering vegetables, planting new flower beds – all of it quietened the noise in my head in a way that nothing else could.
I retreated into simplicity – a protective bubble of distractions that soothed my nervous system. Lighthearted things only. No news, no politics, nothing that might stir up strong emotions.
It helped, for a while. But eventually I realised I’d dulled my own spark. In protecting myself, I’d shut out curiosity, learning, and creativity – the parts of me that make me feel alive.
I didn’t want to go back to ‘all in,’ but I did want to wake up again.
So I did what felt natural: I started making plans for reinvention. Setting goals, targets, and milestones to achieve – the language I understood.
I was determined to prove I hadn’t failed. That I could get back to the past version of me that was more confident, more put-together, and just…better.
And that’s when I discovered the real problem.
The Loop I Couldn’t See
During a coaching session months into my burnout recovery, something uncomfortable became clear: I was recreating the same pattern that had burned me out in the first place.
I’d been telling myself: “I’ll feel worthy when I lose the weight…when I create something to give me back my identity…when I feel confident enough to be visible.”
The coach asked me a question I couldn’t answer: “What would have to be true for you to believe you’re worthy right now? Not when you achieve those things, but today, exactly as you are?”
I couldn’t do it. Because I’d spent decades trapped in an exhausting cycle of perfectionism, and believing my value was tied to what I did, and what I achieved.
I was still trapped in a loop: I wouldn’t allow myself to be seen until I was ‘enough.’ I couldn’t feel worthy until I was the version of myself I needed to become. And the goalpost kept moving.
It was just a different version of the loop I was in before. That’s how I’d burned out. And I was doing it again.
The Lesson That Changed Everything
The year before my burnout, I’d planted three small verbena bonariensis plants in a new flower bed. Pretty, airy purple flowers chosen to frame the dahlias. They were labelled as ‘dwarf variety.’
But those verbenas had other plans. They grew taller and taller, becoming architectural clouds of colour, refusing to be constrained by their label.
By the time I was recovering, those three original plants had returned stronger, even taller and not alone – they’d self-seeded everywhere. Three became hundreds. They bloomed boldly; unapologetically spreading across the garden.
Each morning, bees and butterflies arrived, mingling with the blooms like guests at a secret garden party and I couldn’t help but smile.
In those small moments watching this thriving ecosystem, something clicked:
The verbenas weren’t trying to prove anything. They weren’t earning their right to grow. They just rooted where conditions allowed, drew what they needed, and flourished naturally from that stable foundation.
They didn’t bloom constantly either. They rested, renewed, and came back stronger.
I realised: that’s what I’d been missing. Not another goal to chase, or another benchmark to exceed.
I needed to learn to believe that I was enough first – and make choices from that place, rather than trying to achieve my way into worthiness.
From Recovery to Resilience
The tools I’d been using – journaling, clarifying my values, setting boundaries, building new habits – were all right. But I’d been using them wrong. I’d turned them into another checklist, another way to prove myself.
So I started over. Same practices, different foundation.
Instead of: “I’ll work on my business when I feel confident enough to be visible,” I asked: “What would I do if I already believed I was enough?”
Instead of: “I’ll wait to buy new clothes until I’ve dropped a dress size,” I asked: “What if I deserve to feel good in my body right now?”
I asked myself: “What actually matters to be beyond achievement?”
The answers weren’t comfortable. My brain resisted – it wanted the roadmap, the five-step plan, the achievement ladder.
But you can’t achieve your way into feeling enough. That’s the loop.
What I could do was start making different choices. Small ones. Choosing authenticity over performance. Connection over hibernation. Living my values – expansion, learning, beauty, creativity – instead of waiting until I’d earned the right to live them.
Here’s the irony: my brain still works in frameworks. I still love setting goals and the satisfaction of ticking off lists. That hasn’t changed. But what has changed is why I use them. Not to prove myself, but to support myself. I now know that structure isn’t the problem – using it as a ladder to climb before you’re allowed to feel enough is the problem.
What This Looks Like Now
Today, my health has improved, my energy is steadier, and I feel nothing like the burnt out shell of just a few years ago (thankfully).
I still face anxious moments, missed boundaries and dips in energy. The voice that says “you’re not doing enough” still shows up. But now I can catch it. Recognise it as the loop and not the truth.
Just as the verbenas rest, renew, and come back stronger – so do I.
And now Blooming Boldly Studio exists, because I discovered I wasn’t alone. Many women in early midlife are trapped in the same loop. Burnt out, disconnected, their voices buried under roles and responsibilities. Believing they’ll finally be worthy when they achieve just that little bit more.
Blooming Boldly Studio
This messy, sometimes uncomfortable process of learning to choose from ‘enoughness’ instead of fear disguised as perfectionism – that’s what shaped everything I now create at Blooming Boldly Studio.
Not quick fixes or one-size-fits-all advice, but practical tools that respect both the challenges and the potential of early midlife.
What I learned in the garden became my philosophy: sometimes the most resilient growth happens when you stop trying to contain it. When you root deeply, create space for what’s draining you to fall away, and allow yourself to flourish from a stable foundation – not from constantly proving your worth.
That’s what I help women in early midlife do. Through courses, guides, and honest writing that addresses the real struggles and opportunities of this season – not the sanitised, Instagram-perfect version.
Your Invitation
If you recognise yourself in any part of my story – the loop, the burnout, the belief that you’ll be worthy when you you achieve just a little bit more – I want you to know this:
You don’t have to unlearn decades of patterns overnight. You just have to start noticing.
Notice when fear shows up in one of its disguises. Notice when you’re chasing worthiness instead of living your values. Notice when you’re in the loop.
Then make one small choice differently. As if you already believed you were enough.
That’s where the real work begins.
The Blooming Boldly Blueprint offers 7 days of simple practices to help you reset and begin building from a different foundation – one where you’re already worthy of the life you’re creating.
Download your free Blueprint and take the first step towards blooming boldly.